The Gazillionth reason why CIO is simply cruel
Image by Pedro Klien
“Lay your baby down in her crib. say goodnight and leave the room…
…Make your checks brief and any interaction minimal. Don’t touch, pick her up, or cuddle her – simply say, “Mommy/Daddy is here, go to sleep” and then leave, even if he is still crying.” [1. Supernanny.com]
Last night started as any night, nothing special or different. A few hours after going to sleep, Popcorn started to wake up. Woke up once, I went and fed him and that was all good. Woke up again, same deal. Usually he kind of sleepily cry/calls for me. But this time it sounded a bit more like actual crying. I was not sure. But then he woke up 5 minutes after the last one and sounded a bit distressed. Went in cuddles, boobie and he fell asleep again. I poke my finger in his nappy to see if there is a horrid poo or something causing him some discomfort. Nothing. Mr.Blab by this time was ready to go to bed and joined him.
Image by .Dianna.
Just as I started to brush my teeth, the little one woke up again. Crying. By now I am feeling a bit annoyed, as I am thinking “Cant I brush my teeth in peace”. So I hurry and decide its time to make some checks and see if we can figure out what is the problem.
Image by MarkyBon
Three of us walk to the changing table. Popcorn is whimpering and when we got him on it, he started crying again. I quickly undo the nappy and hope for something that will explain this. Nothing. Only the same few small red spots on both of his cheeks he has had for a few days.
Mr.Blab wets the wiping cloth and readies to clean the bum – we can see if it will bring a reaction from cutie little, by now wet faced, Popcorn.
Image by sean dreilinger
There sure was. The few red spots were definitely causing him pain. I have a really close look and see some tiny white bits and realize that its thrush and it most likely really enjoyed the lansinoh cream I put on before bed (to protect the skin!) and went to town growing. And became the cause of some serious ouchy bum.
I dig out the anti-fungal cream and create a concoction on his bottom with some cotton balls and kitchen wrap to protect the area from moisture. Get him ready and pick my sulking baby up. His head rests on my shoulder and I can feel the relief. Why did I even question him. Even for a second…
We cuddle and walk slowly around the house to turn off things and head to bed.
We snuggle under the covers, where Mr.Blab is waiting for us. Quickly, with a touch of guilt, but mostly with heavy heart of a mom with a child in pain, I offer a breast that is swiftly accepted and sends my little man to sleep.
In peace till the morning.
Image by _Nezemnaya_
What if we were a family that followed the approach of Crying it Out?
How would have the night been for my child?
True, some say you only leave the child to cry alone after you make sure they are fed, clean and not too hot or cold. Some even add a – not in pain – clause. But how can one be sure of that last one? Not all pain can be visually traced to a cause. And when one adds in all the physical discomforts a person can have, the possibilities become so vast, its stupidity to think that you can judge that correctly from the outside with someone that cannot even explain a thing.
But they CAN communicate. And they do.
Image by Jon Bradley
“Ensure you’ve done a check list like this – she’ll not hungry,she’s not in pain (Teeth), she hasn’t wet through or dirty, she’s not too hot or cold. If you have checked all these things relax, she just wants someone with her.” [2. Essentialbaby.com forum discussion]
Since when have emotional needs like desire for love, affection, closeness, warmth, company and avoidance of isolation become unreasonable and too much to ask for. Not from just anybody – from our parents?
Crying by babies and children is a clear sign that something is wrong.
Would we be so quick to ignore if it went on something like that:
“Maaamaaa, please, hug me”
“Daadeee..I am scared. Protect me”
“Please somebody, its lonely here, its dark…Mammy…Daddy…it hurts”
“Oh, nooo…I was left…this is not right…help me…love me…this doesnt feel right..”
Image by Michael Headrick
Note: the images are from Flickr and since what I am talking about to me is cruelty against children, I feel its important to stress that they are not connected in any way to the topic I am discussing as far as I know. I just used them for illustrative purposes.