Easy peasy hard work soup
Kids can be hard work. They sure can.
Kids can be easy peasy. They sure can.
Its all true. So what makes the difference? What is that magic ingredient that can turn the mix into acid and back to mild pleasant soup…
I cant say I have given this a good hard brain power time, so excuse my working notes. But I have had passing thoughts on the issue, more so because I have tried to figure out what ticks me off. Why am I reacting more to certain things and not to others. I hope it makes sense to you the way it does in my head.
I have also looked around me at other parents and listen to their thinking on various subjects and use them in my search of some explanation..
I think I have some clues that are starting to brighten up the view a little bit. Namely – that we take ownership of our kids existence. Their deeds, hopes, dreams, abilities and life have become a reflection on our own. If your kid is screwed up in any way, its too bad for you. If its getting high marks at school it somehow says good things about you too. We say all we do is about them and for their well being, but is it? How much of the choices we make are truly about them and them only with no regard for how it will impact on us?
Dressing kids to go out do we worry about their comfort or how they look? Which comes first? Who benefits from them looking nice?
Scolding the child who is lying on the floor of the grocery shop – is it for their benefit or for our own?
Asking “How many times have I told you not to [eat with your feet]?!” with disapproval on our face – is that because eating with their hands will improve theirs or our life?
Being upset with the teen who has chosen a different university than that which we suggested – it has nothing to do with how it will reflect on us?
Getting frustrated at the child who wants to climb the bench can be understandable. Is it ok to forget that you are getting frustrated because at the same time you are trying to hold a conversation with your friend, not because the child is impossible and never listens?
When we realize and become frank with our own selves that we are not the martyrs we like to think we are after all and not all we do is self sacrificing. In fact most of it is not. Our kids are not trying to screw our lives, but to have theirs.
A bit like us really.
The difference is that they have to often fight us for their life, because we try to take over it. Not only that but we have a way of seeding guilt in them for not leading it the way we deem best… for ourselves.
And then the soup splits.
Just some random uncooked thoughts from the darkness lightness of my mind.