Half Blood Poo Warriors
It was a big week here – Harry Potter week. Time to go watch the Half Blood Prince and all. Ms.Fab is a bit of a fan and Little B just follows whatever big sister does. We waited until the school holidays were over, so the movie theaters were not chock a block full of wild, free from the shuckles children. Mr.Blab popped a big ole pile of corn and mixed it with french butteeeeer and sea salt, the way we like it around here. Then he put separate servings in zip lock bags and hid it all in a lovely bag, because as much as we like to support local business, the big movie theaters dont qualify with their exhuberant food prices and crappy snacks.
Then it was time to get ready, dress appropriately in dark clothing and of course, get appropriate scars:
Because who can be seen at these things without facial disfigurements?! Not my kids. Not them. They were sufficiently impressed by my artistic expression. Me? I was happy to put to use all those collected make up pencils that get touched maybe once a year, if that. One of them had mold under the cap, or at the very least, didnt seem very healthy. Do I qualify as a older woman if I dont use pencils?
And they went and they had fun and they came back and they concluded that the book was better. I could have told them that for free.
On another note. We cloth diaper, but that is not the fun part, its just so you will know whats going on with this next tidbit. Those diapers need to be washed every few days. Its a non issue when the little ones just eat boob milk, cause the poops are lovely and dont need any extra treatment, just chuck the nappies in the machine and go on your merry poopless way.
But then comes a time when those kids start to eat, no matter how little, and the dark matter becomes an issue. A smelly, goopy, messy issue. One can no longer just do the chucking move, one has to ensure that no chunks are left on the nappy and that often involves some scraping. That is of very little concern if you use liners, but we are not very good at this at the moment and forget most of the time. So scraping is a common activity and a much hated one. Mr.Blab and I decided to alternate loads of washes, one time me, the next time him. Its only fair.
I want to get out of it though. I dont really want to do the scraping, so I did a deal with him to do my turn if I bake him cookies. He took it. He did the deed and ate his cookies. Then he did his turn and then my turn was looming. I tested the waters for another deal. He seemed open to it, but was adamant that only a cookie offer might be accepted. I on the other hand, even though desperate to unload the pile of shit off my hands, love the guy and the thought of filling him with a bucket full of sugar for my own selfish reasons doesnt sit with me well. And he was not budging and didnt want any savory offer I threw at him.
It was time to test the nappy washing market and go in search for cheaper labor. I asked if the girls would do them for three cookies each. They grinned and accepted. Just like that. I repeated over and over what their job would involve, but they were sure they wanted to accept the deal.
Mr.Blab laughed so hard when we told him. I think a booger shot out of his nose…maybe I am just embelishing for artistic reasons.
“Yeah?!” – he said mid laughing “We will see”.
He said they will run screaming after the first dark matter nappy appears out of the bucket. Ms. Fab said he is wrong and that she will show him. Little B just does what her big sister does and she was huffing and puffing too.
So the time was here. I armed the girls with gloves and Ms.Fab clipped a clothes pin on her nose and went into the bathroom with a scraper in hand. She closed the door behind.
“Oooooo!” – we hear.
Nervous laughter comes from behind the door. Mr.Blab and I wait outside, barely hodling up the laughter. Little B waits with her big gloves for the first nappies to come out, so she can throw them in the washer. The door opens and the nappy appears…phew! Just a pee one. She grabs it and puts it in the machine. The door closes.
Mr.Blab and I cant hold back the snorting snickering laughter that is exploding from within.
“Are they supposed to be green?
“Yeah, its ok” – I mutter in between snorting and bending in half.
“Are they supposed to be that big?”
I think I peed myself at this point and was definately on the floor. I think a wailing noise was coming out as well.
The long story short – they did it. And the most impressive part, they did it without complaining and as a good team. They had fun with it and finished them all to the complete astonishment of Mr.Blab, who was speechless.
The lesson? Dont be greedy dude, as it could be your children that cut your grass short and steal your business.Also, no poo can stay in the way of a few cookies and their children. Also, there is always someone that can do the job cheaper than you. Also… oh, you get the picture.
The cookies were lovely today and the kids earned them fair and square. They even gave dad one, just so he is not too sad. He was still in awe.
Me? I am glad I got off for another few days. I have offered Mr.Blab to cook him a very fancy Jamie Oliver macaroni and cheese for next time. I wonder if he will take it.